Flappy Bird Cult Commits Mass Suicide

32 Members Of Video Game Cult End Their Lives As iOS 11 Effectively Kills Flappy Bird

Baker California – They called themselves The Church Of Flappy Bird, but now a San Bernardino County Medical Examiner is calling them “Dead”.

The church was formed in late 2014 and founding members Brian and Greg Lowry set up shop in a deserted mobile home park just outside of Baker California.  They started a following for fans of the game that was removed from the Apple Store by the game’s author who allegedly had difficulty adapting to the fame the cute game was bringing him.

In a 2016 interview, Brian Lowry told 60-Minutes producers that “Flappy Bird sends a message of peace and harmony.  The removal from the app store has been devastating for many, but if you come to our house of Flappy worship we will baptize your device and you will see Flappy Bird arise as the prophets have predicted.”

As the congregation grew larger Brian’s lover Greg started preaching to his followers stating “a day of reckoning is before us.  We must repent before iOS 11 is released and Flappy Bird is no more.”

Greg’s prophecy was in reference to Apple officially killing off 32bit apps from iOS 11.  Flappy Bird was originally programmed in 32bit, but the author who acknowledges that his fan base has found ways to install the game has no intentions of porting it to 64bit.

A delivery man discovered the bodies Wednesday morning and quickly called police.  The victims of this tragedy were found naked in their beds, their iPhones fully charged and resting on their chests with plastic bags over each of their heads.  A list of victims have not been released as the coroner is still in the process of notifying families.

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