Mysterious Illness Linked To PlayStation 4s

toiletDebilitating illness linked to PlayStation 4 ownership, but more research is needed.

At the Institute of Entertainment Diagnostics an eleven month study determined that more than 250,000 surveyed PlayStation 4 owners have experienced diarrhea, vomiting, headaches, back aches, knee pain, earaches, eye pain, and excessive phlegm at least once in their life.

“The symptoms are real, the PlayStation 4 ownership is real, but how they are related isn’t understood yet,” explains Dr. Johannes Yates who undertook the study. “But make no mistake about it; these people are not lying about the symptoms.”

Not everyone is convinced that the study means anything. Dr. Tyrone Mutumbo McGillen of the Detroit Quick Care Medical Center called the Gaming Free Press hotline to dispute his colleague’s findings:

“Dr. Yates is stupid. Many of the symptoms reported in the study occurred several years before the PlayStation 4 was released. In many cases they occurred before the original PlayStation was released. To make any connection between the PlayStation 4 and those symptoms is absurd.”

We reached out to Dr. Yates with Dr. McGillen’s comments and Dr. Yates was more than willing to clarify his position:

“Dr. Tyrone Mutumbo McGillen is a liar.”

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