New “Pain-ball” Machine Is A Pinball Player’s Nightmare

pinballA Toledo man has created a Pinball machine that punches the player in the genitals.

In a new twist on an American favorite past time a Toledo man has patented a pinball machine that delivers a heart stopping blow to the genitals any time a player’s ball rolls into the drain.  Patent papers filed this past Thursday describe the new game as a “Pain-ball” machine.

How it works: Essentially a small air compressor builds up to 240 PSI which gets discharged whenever a player loses a ball.  The air pushes out a metal bar with a steel plate on the end of it approximately the size of a pack of playing cards.  Four strong springs return the steel bar and plate back to its starting position after the air is depleted.  The plate is located between the coin return holes which lines up perfectly to the genitals of a man of average height.

“From the moment the device is fired, to its return to its original starting position takes less than a fraction of a second,” explains David Sternberg, the inventor of the device.  “If you’re short, you’ll probably take the blow straight to the gut, and if you’re tall, maybe the thigh.”

The Gaming Free Press questioned the legality of such a device, but David insists its perfectly legal and will revive an industry that remains on the fringes of death:

“Some say video games killed the pinball industry, but the truth is that new innovations in pinball technology is very rare and that’s what is choking the industry.  LCD screens are pretty much the latest in Pinball technology, but the Pain-ball will change all that.  It’s also a cheaper, faster, and more effective alternative to a vasectomy.”

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