Your Gaming Horoscope

astrologyThe Gaming Free Press presents this week’s horoscopes (UPDATED WEEKLY!):

Aquarius January 20 – February 18 This is not a good time to play online, you’ll likely be harrassed and embarrassed.

Pisces February 19 – March 20 One of your favorite game consoles will have struggles this month, don’t call tech support as the issue will fix itself.

Aries March 21 – April 19 You will encounter unimaginable stress this week; consider playing a FPS to relieve your stress.

Taurus April 20 – May 20 Relieve the past and free your mind of worry by playing a retro game console this week.

Gemini May 21 – June 20 Now is not the time to play video games when you should be cleaning your home. Expect unexpected visitors this week.

Cancer June 21 – July 22 Improve your social life by inviting a neighbor, co-worker, or fellow student over to play video games.

Leo July 23 – August 22 Keep pets, and drinks away from your controllers as a bad accident could occur this week.

Virgo August 23 – September 22 Consider a trip to Gamestop this week, you’ll find a game you forgot you wanted.

Libra September 23 – October 22 Your favorite mobile device might seem broken this week, don’t worry, just charge it over night and it will be fine.

Scorpio October 23 – November 21 Buy a bag of rice the next time you’re at the store; your phone has a date with the toilet.

Sagittarius November 22 – December 21 An old game in your collection is worth more money than you can even imagine.

Capricorn December 22 – January 19 Don’t purchase any disc based games this week unless you verify the game is in the case first – you’ll regret it otherwise.